You are my Friend
by Emberjack
Summary: One-shot. Not so much a fanfiction, I actually just wrote Kirk's death scene from Spock's POV so that we can all re-live the tragic moment with the emotions of our logical friend. Enjoy


"It's a miracle!" the bridge crew exclaimed.

"There are no such things.." I stated, wholly confused, though my adrenaline faded. How were we not dead? This is where I began to suspect that another element was at play here.

That was when Mr. Scott called me.

"Engineering to Bridge. Mr. Spock?"

"Mr. Scott." I replied with interest. Had he been the one who saved the ship?

"Sir, you'd better get down here… Better hurry." In that instant I knew that something terrible had happened. I jumped out of the Chair and ran off the Bridge. I passed Lieutenant Uhora on my way out, but there was no time to stop and tell her what was happening. I needed to get to engineering as fast as possible. I ran through the Enterprise's hallways as though my life were in jeopardy, breathing heavily, desperate to know what was going on.

I entered the engineering deck, panting as my legs quit their previous pace when I neared Mr. Scott. My heart was beating so fast it hurt. I looked at Mr. Scott; he shook his head and wouldn't look at me. I walked over to the engine core room door. The glass door was shut, and behind it, lying on the floor, was Captain Kirk. He appeared to be severely weakened. He must have gone in and restored the core pathway to save the ship. I stood for a moment, dazed and confused, unsure of what to do.

I turned back to Mr. Scott. "Open it," I demanded, though I knew it wouldn't do any good. If he could, he would have already done it.

"The decontamination process is not complete; you'd flood the whole compartment. The door's locked, sir," he spoke quickly, but firmly.

I looked to Kirk again and I knelt down to be closer to his eye level as he crawled closer to the door and pressed a button which shut a second door behind him leading to the ship's core. He looked to be in pain, and he was gasping for breath. He opened his eyes and looked at me through the glass.

"How's our ship?" he asked in a weak voice. Of course his first priority was the Enterprise. It was logical.

"Out of danger," I responded. "…you saved the crew."

"You used what he wanted against him," Kirk stated with pride. "That was a nice move."

"It is what you would have done," I admitted. I didn't want to take unnecessary credit.

"And this.. this is what you would have done." The sincerity in his voice as he looked up at me caused my brain to sputter. "It was only logical.." he added, and I wanted to turn away, but I couldn't. Why should it matter what was logical and what was not?

He took a sharp intake of breath as his body shook. "I'm _scared_, Spock," he said. Wh-what? I tried not to let my emotions through for the Captain to see. I didn't want him to feel worse. I had never heard him admit fear to anyone. I had always thought of my Captain as fearless. Reckless, perhaps, but indeed fearless.

"Help me not be," he pleaded. It was too much for me to handle. Tears came to my eyes and a knot tied itself in my throat. I looked down. Why was this happening? It was so.. illogical! I searched desperately for words of comfort.

"How do you choose not to feel..?" there was both curiosity and heartbreak in his voice as he began to look in another direction.

I shook my head and sniffled a little. "..I do not know. Right now I am failing.." It was incredibly hard to speak clearly with this lump in my throat.

His eyes lifted to see me again. "I want you to know why I couldn't let you die." It was obvious that he was struggling to keep his eyes open. "Why I went back for you.."

"..Because you are my friend," I said. A tear fell from my cheek onto the floor. I hadn't known that I was crying..

His head twitched a little in an attempt to nod. His eyes were sad as he stopped looking at me, and turned his attention instead to the glass where he painstakingly set his hand. I softly placed my hand opposite his on my side of the glass, in my customary farewell gesture: with a part between my middle and ring fingers. Kirk's fingers slowly moved to match mine on the glass. I took a sharp breath. I looked back to Kirk. He stared at our hands on the glass for another moment, happiness and sadness together in his gaze at the same time. He knew just as well as I did that this was good-bye.

His eyes lifted to me again and I could feel his piercing gaze. My face was hot and my chest was about to explode. Why did it have to be Kirk? Why did he have to sacrifice himself to save us? He was my friend.. he was my best friend, and perhaps my only friend. How could the world keep spinning while this was happening? I could barely imagine it without Kirk. Even though it hadn't been long since we met, it seemed to me that he had always been there..

He took another painful breath and the edges of his mouth twitched. He was trying to smile. He managed it for just a moment before his breath escaped him. His eyes looked again at our hands, but.. he didn't draw in any more air.

No…no, no, no. This can't be it… This was impossible, illogical. Kirk couldn't.. die.. could he? This had to be some sort of sick joke!

His hand fell away from the glass and I knew, deep down, that this was real. James Tiberius Kirk, my Captain, my friend.. was dead. I lowered my hands in disbelief, and I couldn't look at him anymore.

Breathing heavily, my mind was working a million miles a minute. I felt guilty, but this wasn't my fault.. It wasn't the fault of the crew, either. I remembered what was going on outside of the engineering deck, everything that had only just happened. This was all _his _fault. Anger boiled up inside of me like a volcano ready to erupt. I felt an inescapable need for revenge on the man who took away the life of my best friend. I let out all of my rage and pain in a _scream_, a _battle cry_, a shout for _blood_:

"_Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!_"


End file.
